Understanding Systemic Family Therapy: Your Questions Answered
Systemic Family Therapy looks at the bigger picture — we zoom in and zoom out on things, such as the relationships and stories that have shaped our lives. Whether you are seeking support as an individual, a couple, or a family, understanding how this approach works can help you feel more confident about starting therapy. Below are some common questions I often hear from clients, along with straightforward answers to guide you.
For Couples: You Don't Have to Agree to Understand
Systemic therapy isn't about making everyone think the same way. Instead, it creates a setting where different experiences and perspectives can be spoken, heard, and made sense of together. You don't have to agree to begin understanding each other. What matters is creating room for those differences to be acknowledged, for their effects to be recognised, and for the way they shape your relationship to be explored.
Often, connection comes from not resolving every difference, but from learning how to live alongside them with greater curiosity, clarity, care, and fun.
Even when things aren't resolved in the room, something can shift. You might leave a session with a clearer sense of where the other person is coming from — or simply feel less alone with your thoughts. And this growing awareness can begin to make you curious about what you choose to do and how you move forward together in the moments that follow.
Will Therapy Focus on One Person or Both of Us Equally?
The focus is on the relationship system, so both partners' perspectives and experiences are important. Therapy helps uncover how each person contributes to the patterns and interaction, with the hope of creating mutual understanding and thinking about or trying out alternative ideas.
You attend the session together and explore what would be useful to talk about — this may include how to talk about something.
How Long Does Systemic Therapy Usually Take for Couples?
The length of therapy varies depending on your goals and needs. Some couples find meaningful progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term work to shift deeper patterns.
Couples psychotherapy is often scheduled fortnightly rather than weekly to support the couple to implement changes and try new things outside of the session.
Can Therapy Help When One of Us is Resistant or Less Willing to Participate?
Yes, systemic therapy is flexible. Sometimes working with one partner can start to shift the dynamics in the relationship, making the other partner more curious and intrigued to attend.
Sometimes, it is useful to explore what the resistance or reluctance is about and how this can be acknowledged and worked with — rather than adopting a concrete stance that cannot alter.
How Does Systemic Therapy Address Patterns That Keep Repeating in Our Relationship?
By identifying recurring patterns and understanding their origins, therapy helps you both recognise and change unhelpful habits — leading to new ways of relating that feel more positive and empowering.
