Understanding Systemic Family Therapy: Your Questions Answered

Systemic Family Therapy looks at the bigger picture, we zoom in and zoom out on things, such as the relationships and stories that have shaped our lives. Whether you are seeking support as an individual, a couple, or a family, understanding how this approach works can help you feel more confident about starting therapy. Below are some common questions I often hear from clients, along with straight-forward answers to guide you.

For couples: 

You don't have to agree to understand

Systemic therapy isn't about making everyone think the same way. Instead, it creates a setting where different experiences and perspectives can be spoken, heard and made sense of together. You don't have to agree to begin understanding each other. What matters is creating room for those differences to be acknowledged, for their effects to be recognised, and for the way they shape your relationship to be explored. Often, connection comes from not resolving every difference, but from learning how to live alongside them with greater curiosity, clarity, care and fun.

Even when things aren't resolved in the room, something can shift. You might leave a session with a clearer sense of where the other person is coming from-or simply feel less alone with your thoughts. And this growing awareness can begin to make you curious about what you choose to do and how you move forward together in the moments that follow. 

Will therapy focus on one person or both of us equally? 

The focus is on the relationship system, so both partners' perspectives and experiences are important. Therapy helps uncover how each person contributes to the patterns and interaction, with the hope of creating mutual understanding and thinking about/trying out alternative ideas. You attend the session together and explore what would be useful to talk about, this may include how to talk about something. 

How long does systemic therapy usually take for couples? 

The length of therapy varies depending on your goals and needs. Some couples find meaningful progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term work to shift deeper patterns. Couples psychotherapy is often scheduled fortnightly rather than weekly to support the couple to implement changes, try new things, outside of the session. 

Can therapy help when one of us is resistant or less willing to participate? 

Yes, systemic therapy is flexible. Sometimes working with one partner can start to shift the dynamics in the relationship, making the other partner more curious and intrigued to attend. Sometimes, it is useful to explore what the resistance or reluctance is about and how this can be acknowledged and worked with, rather than a concrete adopting a stance that can not alter.

How does systemic therapy address patterns that keep repeating in our relationship?

 By identifying recurring patterns and understanding their origins, therapy helps you both recognise and change unhelpful habits, leading to new ways of relating that feel more positive and empowering. 

For families:

How does systemic family therapy work with children and teenagers? You don't have to agree to understand.

Family life with children and teenagers can be full of love-and full of tension. It's not unusual for families to find themselves stuck in patterns of arguing, silence or simply not knowing how to talk to each other anymore. Therapy involves listening to everyone's voice-even those that do not yet want to come, sessions are designed to explore ideas that each family member holds and to speak about what they find difficult. Family therapy doesn't try to make everyone think the same. It offers a chance to hear everyone's voice, whether they attend the session or not! For different views, emotions and expectations in the family to be explored with thoughtfulness, this can help everyone understand not just the words, but what might be felt underneath the words. 

Will the whole family need to attend every session? 

Not necessarily. Sometimes, sessions include the whole family, other times smaller groups or individuals, depending on what best supports your goals and the issues at hand, alongside what is the most useful way to configure the sessions to get the most from them. Sessions are generally, fifty-minutes in duration. 

How can Family therapy help us? 

Rather than focusing on who is right or wrong, family therapy looks at how your relationships are working-the things that are happening and there effects, and the ways that you are all trying to cope. It helps families to notice what's getting in the way of understanding each other, which can help people to feel more connected. Family therapy gently supports changes in how you talk, listen and respond to each other.It allows you to decide what to keep and what to change.

For individuals:

How will Systemic Family therapy help me as an individual?

Systemic family therapy can be very helpful for individuals-especially if the difficulties you're facing feel tied up in your relationships, past or present. The focus is not just on what is happening, but explores how your experiences have been shaped in connection with others-family, school, friendships, partners, communities and culture.

How can systemic therapy help when issues relate to family or relationships?

Even in individual sessions , we consider how your relationships and family history influence your experience, helping you understand and shift unhelpful responses and thinking into your preferred ways of responding. It is a chance to look at the bigger picture, and to ask: What story have I been living in? And is that the story I want to keep living?

How long does individual systemic therapy usually last?

It depends on your needs. Some people find clarity in a few sessions; others benefit from ongoing work on a weekly basis. Session duration remains fifty-minutes.

General questions answered

Do you offer online therapy?
At this time, I offer only in-person sessions, as I believe the physical presence and shared space of the therapy room can create a particular kind of depth and connection that’s harder to replicate online. Sessions take place in Marylebone (London W1) or Swanbourne (Buckinghamshire), in quiet, private consulting spaces.

Do you accept health insurance or private medical cover?
I don’t currently work with insurance companies or offer therapy through third-party providers. I offer therapy privately, which means you can access support without restrictions on session length, number, or frequency — and we can shape the work according to your needs, not an external framework.

Next steps

In summary, systemic family therapy offers a flexible, compassionate, and collaborative way to explore the challenges and connections that shape our lives. Whether you're attending as a couple, a family, or an individual, this approach centres on relationships—not just between people, but between experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Therapy doesn’t offer ready-made answers, but it does offer a space to ask better questions together—ones that help you make sense of your story, and consider what changes might feel possible.  

If you're interested in finding out more, I’d be happy to talk with you about what might be helpful for your unique situation. Please feel welcome to get in touch with any questions or to arrange an initial session. There's always space to think differently about your story no matter where you are in it.